I changed my website layout in the spring and finally found a design with an integrated blog, something I didn't previously have. I outsourced my blog to a word press account (you can view the old blog here) and kept it separate from my photography work. Having that distinction felt nice for me at first, here I could post my "real" work, and be free to dissect my musings on life in a safe and separate world. It's been a long process to accept, which you'll notice if you look over those old posts from years ago, and after many recent conversations on the matter I've come to realize that the distinction has been my choice and I shouldn't be hiding my writing away. This career, this website and this blog are all mine to make as of I please and there is no reason for me to deny any of that to myself.
My thought process, mind and ideas are integral to the images I make. The journey of capturing each image is life long. Time and time again I find myself lost in conversation with friends and acquaintances regarding imagery and story telling. I can't deny it to myself or the world anymore. I need to express verbally just as much as I do visually. I want to dissect everything and everyone I come across. I want each story from every single angle, even my own. I love looking back on old journal entries and getting a sense for who I once was, where I thought I might end up and comparing the two. There is no doubt in my mind to the strength a story can provide you. We are the stories we tell ourselves and each other. To see the changes that can be made in your life by the simple act of changing your truth, your "story", continues to blow me away.
In light of that it is time for me to change a huge, heavy, and over bearing story I have been telling myself. I need to let go of the idea that I'm "hoping" to be a photographer and accept that I am, and secondly incorporate the writer aspect of my life. "Visual story teller" hits the point, I am here as I stand to absorb all that I can out of this life and this world, analyse it and spit it back out in whatever beautiful way I can. It's what I do best. Analyse and share, analyse and share. Anyone who has known me for more than a week can attest to that. Few things go unnoticed by my analytical brain and at this point in my life I wouldn't have it any other way. She's a keeper and leads me to some interesting thoughts and musings.
So now, instead of only allowing myself to share my images I am going to continue to embrace and share what leads me to them. What sparked in me at such a young age to feel the need to share what I observed is a stronger pull than any other I have felt in my life. One could call it a purpose, need or passion but to me at the least it feels like a necessity. It is me, and I don't function well without it. I don't think many of us function well without expression Something that has become very clear to me as I wander through life and absorb what I can is this: We need to express more and with more honesty. A statement I'm not simply going to accept, think and feel but instead live.
We need to communicate more honestly with our world, our planet, our loved ones and ourselves. We need to open up dialogues we're too eager to close off or hide, and open them up face to face, not just behind the veil of technology. We need to acknowledge shit is hard when it is, and that life is fucking beautiful when it is. Tell someone you're hurt, tell yourself you're doing a great job and tell a landscape it's perfect (I'm serious, I tell nature it's beautiful OUT LOUD). Open up the knot in your chest where breath should be and allow it to soak in the greatness around you, because it's always there. Too often are we distracted by the rat race and the belief that we aren't enough, aren't doing enough, aren't earning enough, that we never stop to ask ourselves what "enough" means to us. Maybe if we did, we'd realize we already have it and the endless search for more is wasted time from our true selves and our loved ones.
Here, as well as in every day life, I will continue to open that part of myself up. The part of me that makes me the photographer and story teller that I am. That beautiful messy lump of a heart that pulls and pushes me through all things. I know the more I allow it to show itself, the more space I give it to exist in the world freely, the more incredible things and opportunities it will bring my way.